Me.,myself, and I

Well it's a brand new year and I want this year to be about change. This means changing myself inside as well as outside. I am my worst enemy, my worst critic, and destroyer of my own happiness. I have alot of trust issues, I have a ton os self esteem issues, and I am married to someone whom is younger than me. This makes me insecure being 40 and him being 32, I question, why me? He could have a younger woman, less baggage, less kids, smokin' hot body, cuz surely that isn't me right now. I am vowing to make alot of changes, get that weight off after my beautiful babies only a year apart. It was hard on my body, tubal reversal surgery in 2007, c-section 2008, gallbladder surgery 1 month after c section in 2008, another c-section 2009. Yeah, my body got stretched, sliced, stitched, etc. Not easy for someone my age with a family of larger women. I have always been afraid of being obese, my mother was morbidly obese and is losing weight but still considered obese. I am very proud of her. So now I am in the 190's at 5'3 and that scares me to hell. So now I am on a mission to change my eating habits, start consistently exercising, and get back a descent sleeping schedule. With Dominic & Emma being sick the last 2 months, its taken a toll the sleeping schedule. 3am or 4am is not a bedtime I want to keep. Breathing treatments, waking up every hour on the hour it seems, I am exhausted and get very broken sleep. I am doing pretty good as far as changing my eating habits. But the lack of exercise needs to change. Gotta step up to the plate and just do it, no matter how tired, maybe it will give me some energy. Funny that I use to run track and be the petite athlete in high school and even after having my girls, I was physically fit. Later on after my divorce from my older boys' dad, I lost the weight, looked & felt great about myself. I want that feeling back, that I look great, I feel good about me. But it has to be inside as well as outside. It isn't going to happen unless I do it for me, myself, and I. Let's hope with the motivation of my TMM friends, I can make my goal and be free of this big cloud hanging over my head. What once was lost will hopefully return. Much Love, Me.