Guess who's back.....Finally

I am been neglecting this blog for so long.  I prettied it up and with everything going on in my life right now, I need a place to write, vent, or share.  With depression, weight gain, and marriage problems, it has been pretty much a nightmare.  I am like the walking dead inside and out.  I am looking into ways of trying to stop my train wreck, so far, haven't been so lucky.  I have amazing children that help but I am not happy with me, so that has to be fixed.  I will keep adding to this, I can hardly remember anything anymore, this is all stress related.  Be back later. Me.

back to blogging

Time to get back to the blogging. Back on the treadmill, having emotional battles with dealing with Dominic's autism, very intense self stimulatory behaviors, time consuming therapy, and life in general is not in harmony. Time for some change, yes, time to get back to writing, reading, and keeping up with me and my kids. Dominic has been in therapy 3 hours a day Monday through Friday, it has done wonders for him. He isn't talking but he is saying more things and his receptive is so strong. He has come a long way from the beginning of his diagnosis. Nice to be back, going to try and keep up with this and I am sure it will help me with myself and dealing with life.

Finally back

Finally back and going to be updating soon. Have had no time with many birthdays and summer being here. Let's recap, Dominic turned 2, Emma turned 1, Amber turned 22, and Jake turned 16, next will be Logan to turn 15 next month. Too many dam birthday's from April to July!!! I really need to start checking out these giveaways, alot of my gal pals are winning some cool stuff. Monday starts my official weight loss extravaganza!!! Zumba time!! I hope I can get myself motivated!!! Off to read some other blogs!!!

This crazy life

I haven't been here for a while but plan on changing that. My life has been a bit hectic. PPD has really taken me for a ride. I am on an emotional roller coaster wanting to get off. I am lost, very confused about alot of things. I have been trying to work through things, salvage my marriage. At 40 yrs old, I never thought I would be this lost. My husband is thinking of joining the military, scary yes, benefits good, time apart, I dunno, job stability a plus. He is only 32, been ironworker for almost 10 years and tired of it. He wants change, so I support his choices and try to be strong. Maybe moving would be a good thing for us. Where we live now is going down hill so fast. California has really dissappointed me and it is not going to get any better. We are in a recession and it is not going to get any better anytime soon. Seems the only stable job now is the military, sad but true. I just have to figure out this life, get in a better frame of mind, get passed the PPD. This year has started off rough, 2 babies sick on and off, one son with broken elbow, another son struggling to graduate high school. A daughter struggling to find a job, another trying to find a better job and better life. I hope the rest of this year will be better for me and all 6 of my children. That's it for now, much love, me

My cuddle of love

I have done a lot of soul searching lately and trying to find inner peace & happiness. Well the last couple of nights my littlest baby girl has brought me many needed smiles. I call her my cuddle of love, Emma Christine McCovey, my little girl, cuddled into my shoulder stroking my arm then my cheek. That unconditional love that we seem to take for granted in our down times. How one tiny person can change your mood with one simple sweet action. It was 3am and I didn't care, she was cuddling me, smiling, and knows I love her unconditionally as well. The last 7 months have been crazy but I don't care, I am blessed with 6 beautiful children and one who reminded that life is incredible and a gift, I received 6 gifts that have enriched my life and made me a better person and shown me true unconditional love. So instead of worrying about the things that I want, I realize I need to appreciate the blessings I already have. Time to cuddle with Emma. Good Night, Much Love, Me.

Me.,myself, and I

Well it's a brand new year and I want this year to be about change. This means changing myself inside as well as outside. I am my worst enemy, my worst critic, and destroyer of my own happiness. I have alot of trust issues, I have a ton os self esteem issues, and I am married to someone whom is younger than me. This makes me insecure being 40 and him being 32, I question, why me? He could have a younger woman, less baggage, less kids, smokin' hot body, cuz surely that isn't me right now. I am vowing to make alot of changes, get that weight off after my beautiful babies only a year apart. It was hard on my body, tubal reversal surgery in 2007, c-section 2008, gallbladder surgery 1 month after c section in 2008, another c-section 2009. Yeah, my body got stretched, sliced, stitched, etc. Not easy for someone my age with a family of larger women. I have always been afraid of being obese, my mother was morbidly obese and is losing weight but still considered obese. I am very proud of her. So now I am in the 190's at 5'3 and that scares me to hell. So now I am on a mission to change my eating habits, start consistently exercising, and get back a descent sleeping schedule. With Dominic & Emma being sick the last 2 months, its taken a toll the sleeping schedule. 3am or 4am is not a bedtime I want to keep. Breathing treatments, waking up every hour on the hour it seems, I am exhausted and get very broken sleep. I am doing pretty good as far as changing my eating habits. But the lack of exercise needs to change. Gotta step up to the plate and just do it, no matter how tired, maybe it will give me some energy. Funny that I use to run track and be the petite athlete in high school and even after having my girls, I was physically fit. Later on after my divorce from my older boys' dad, I lost the weight, looked & felt great about myself. I want that feeling back, that I look great, I feel good about me. But it has to be inside as well as outside. It isn't going to happen unless I do it for me, myself, and I. Let's hope with the motivation of my TMM friends, I can make my goal and be free of this big cloud hanging over my head. What once was lost will hopefully return. Much Love, Me.

Christmas kindness

This week has been a week of learning kindness does happen. A local church donated gifts to my kids, myself, and my husband. Online friends, family, and school friends sent gifts too. I really have been overwhelmed by acts of kindness this Christmas season. I truly am blessed and can't believe the outpouring of support. This Christmas was going to be cancelled, we didn't have any money to buy gifts for the kids. My hubby only has been back to work for a week and we needed to pay rent and my truck payments that were past due. We were very sad and disheartened that our kids would suffer. But then suddenly I posted on Freecycle, does anyone know of anyone to help out for Christmas. A lady emailed me, ask me for a list from my kids, then text me to say, we will be giving your kids Christmas, then the knock on the door, Christmas was here. Then all week, I keep getting stuff in the mail, via UPS, via Fed Ex. Christmas is happening and the kids are so happy. Thank you to all my special angels who helped me this year. Merry Christmas.